Andy told me this guy had some problems, but geez....

I have now seen Avatar.

That is all.

There Is No Spoon

Har har.

What Eye Thing?

One of Eric's recent comments led me to this fabulous website uncyclopedia. You should go spend some time there and learn something. It's funny as hay-ul!

Here is an article about my personal musical hero... Thom

In The News...

Worst Soccer Dives Ever

This shit needs to stop.

I've Always Said That

And from now on, all my shoes will come from Nunn Bush. Best name ever.

Of course, it would be much funnier if they made steel wool soap pads or sweaters, but you can't have everything ...

Holy, Flaming Saviours!

One of the most iconic images of the Jesus-in-your-face movement was destroyed by an act of God (but which one? Zeus maybe?).

Viddy well, little brothers, viddy well.

Answer: We Are Devo

New Devo drops today. Interview on NPR's marketplace! I know there's a Devo-thority among the Bastards.. .

And now I understand

Shit

Because I know how much Jay loves sausage.

I loves me some FUUTBALL!

I've never understood why the rest of the world loves soccer, yet in America we just don't seem to get it. Maybe this is what we have been missing....

Production Photo From Walking Dead

WARNING: Zombies may appear helpless ... but they are dead, and dangerous ...

Attached please find the first photo released from the set of AMC’s The Walking Dead, currently being shot in Atlanta, GA. Of the formation of the zombies, creator, director, and executive producer Frank Darabont says "Greg Nicotero is absolutely out-doing himself. The work he is doing is beyond what one could hope for. Our Zombies kick a**!"

The Walking Dead will premiere on AMC in October 2010 during Fearfest.

This looks like it might be really good.

What's That Noise?

Iiiiiiingerrrlaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand!

Road Trip Friday

Taking a road trip today to DC to attend the birthday party of Young Master Hetherington (also known as A2). Between milk chugging contests and pin the subpoena on the lawyer, there will be some sort of sporting event taking place in Africa. I have no idea what it is. This clip sums up my mindset.

Kids Say the Darndest Things!

And somewhere, Art Linkletter rolls in his grave. Wait, he's dead right? Watch this adorable young teen say the 'c' word on national television. Twice.

Less Is.... Less

Recently got my first smartphone. Do the esteemed members first recommend watching Lawrence of Arabia, or maybe 2001: A Space Odyssey?

AM Gold

When was the last time you heard this one?

The End of Newspapers...

Boston Globe Tailors Print Edition For Three Remaining Subscribers

I love the comments about Buddy

Health Alert: The Onion

Now that we have health professionals on the blargh, I wanted to make sure we pay attention to things that will make us 'healthier'. I'm pretty sure gushing bullshit is a health hazard.

Summer Reading

Thanks for the invite guys. I just thought I'd start off by providing a few tomes to read at you leisure this summer. Based on previous content, I selected a few titles that may be right up your alley....

enjoy...

Hmmm

This World Cup adidas commercial is either really, really cool or completely repulsive, I can't decide. Is it harmlessly celebrating a collective childhood memory or pissing on it? Head ... hurting ...

I spotted Daft Punk, Snoop Dogg, David Beckham, Noel Gallagher and Ian Brown. The other guys, not so much.

Please Welcome Our New Newest Bastard

Would you also please welcome Matt, frequent lurker, sometime commenter and full-time bastard.

Matt's my brother-in-law, but if his first post sucks, this was all Joe's idea. No pressure.

Meet Our Newest Bastard!

(Above image may or may not represent the actual Eric)

Our club is so exclusive, we need to keep adding members to ensure that we still maintain contact with the outside world. With that, please meet our newest Bastard, Eric. A childhood friend who has managed to remain childish, Eric can now take on all of the menial tasks that Lurker and Andy have failed so horribly at. Welcome him, won't you?

Thanks A Lot, Joe

I've just wasted the last hour looking at hacked signs. Here are some I like, with lots more here. Happy birthday Dave, and TGIF to the rest of you forkers.

That Reminds Me ...

Dave's post reminded me of a business card of sorts that Mr. Martin used to distribute back in his stand-up days.

The History of Bad Decisions, Pt. 1

This guy is the biggest Poor Bastard of all time. Read how he turned 22 billion into 800 dollars.

The Jerk

Man, Steve Martin is awesome. Here's a letter he 'wrote' to a fan back in the early 80s. The joke is already funny, and then you get to the postscript.

Something To Think About While You're Disregarding The Blog

And entertaining, too. Philip Zimbardo rocks.

Why Yes, I WILL Be Seeing This

It's Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World, from Edgar Wright, director of Shaun Of The Dead and Hot Fuzz.

Hair Metal Drummers Never Die

Watch you-know-who ...

Fart And Wiener Jokes

Those are up our alley, right? Embiggen the image to see the corpses of other comedians riddling the landscape. And don't forget to Fight The Power.

Shit

What are they gonna say about him? What are they gonna say? That he was a kind man? That he was a wise man? That he had plans, man? That he had wisdom? Bullshit, man!

Finally

It's Friday! Have a nice holiday, Bastardos!

What's the name of that band again?

Finally, Ringo gets his due. See the caption to this photo.

America Speaking Out

A new site introduced by the Republican Party is called America Speaking Out, which is designed to...well, I'll let them tell it:

This site was developed as part of an official effort to increase the dialogue between Americans and their Congress. Here, Americans are provided a new platform to share their priorities and ideas for a national policy agenda. As Republicans, we are committed to our principles of limited, more accountable government; economic freedom; lower taxes; fiscal responsibility; protecting life, American values, and the Constitution; and providing for strong national security. This is an open forum, however, where all Americans are welcome to respectfully offer their opinions, regardless of party affiliation and whether we endorse them or not. It is our hope the active engagement of the American people will produce a robust debate that will aid in the construction of a new American agenda.

Naturally, this being the innerwebs, and the whole damn thing being unmoderated, it's been usurped by some users that are less than genuine. Especially fun is the "Open Mic" section, with suggestions such as:

Wait for a sign from Gozer the Traveller; he will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldronaii, the Traveller came as a large and moving Torb. Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the Meketrex Supplicants, they chose a new form for him -- that of a Giant Sloar! Many Shubs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Sloar that day I can tell you.

"We need to force Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse to rewrite the LOST series finale. What is the island? What is the smoke monster made out of? What is the nature of Jacob and Ilana's relationship? Why does Walt have powers? Our country deserves better. "

"The tea party should merge with lemonparty. They share common interests "

and

We ought to do something about all these liberals and socialists and progressives who call Republicans racists and other bad names when you disagree with them. I went to a basketball game the other day, and a lot of people there called me a racist just because I was rooting for the visiting team. What's the problem with wanting the Washington Generals to win. The Harlem Globetrotters are being propped up by their pals in the mainstream media.

Hours of laughs.

Words Fail Me

What the fuck is this?

Live Nude Oil Spill!

Good One

Q: How many performance artists does it take to change a light bulb?





A: I don’t know, I had to leave after four hours.

More Nick

Following The Previous selections, find some more of the fabulous Nick Lowe. You're welcome Bastards.

And Now A Public Service Announcement

Super Sexy CPR from Super Sexy CPR on Vimeo.

A quick lesson in CPR. From girls in their underwear. Probably NSFW.

She's Beautiful

Buk had a good eye for the ladies.

I Miss Playing This

Good times ...

Stupid But Funny

Oil Spill

Still hasn't reached our lovely Fla beaches, but I reckon it's just a matter of time.

You Know How I Know This Doesn't Work?

Because if it did, Joe would be ripped!

High Violet

I Feel That Purchasing digital music is leaving me cold and wanting, so I got the new National album on 180g vinyl. Having the addition of digital versions with purchase makes it worth the extra few bucks for me.

Their albums have always been growers for me, so I'm going to give this one a few passes and see if it gets the hooks in. I also came across their last two albums after an exhaustive search of my scattered CD collection, so I will try and get those up for reference.

Ugh

Maybe it's time to update the wardrobe, Paul.

Shit

I could be ironic about my admiration for Ronnie James Dio, but I'd be full of shit. He was a great singer and was 100% committed to heavy metal. A huge influence on my early days of rock and roll.

Failed Attempts at Sexy Album Covers

From our friends at Cracked, 19 sexy album cover FAILS with entertaining commentary.

And Why Do You Keep Going To His Car?

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
The Hold Steady - Hurricane J
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Fox News

God, I love these guys.

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
The Hold Steady
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Fox News

Made Me Laugh

So true.

What Were You Doing When You Were 12?

Besides beating off, I mean.

Assuming this kid is straight, I think he's set in the poontang department for awhile ...

I Want It

Every hour, Jack breaks through the door and the famous line “Here’s Johnny” plays followed by the scream of Shelly Duvall.

Bully for Virtual Bookclubs!

I'm forming a virtual bookclub with my friend Mike, and we've decided our first read will be this biography of Teddy Roosevelt by H.W. Brands. If any of you Bastards are interested, let me know and we'll set up a way to interact, pontificate, dissect, and discourse. Bully!

Shit

Do you want to go Steady?

I do.

Beatles Biopic in the Works

Based on The Longest Cocktail Party by Richard Delello, this will be neophyte movie producer Liam Gallagher's first project. Gallagher made the announcement at the Cannes film festival.

When is Ian's Birthday?

Nerf Develops New Line of Biological Weapons

The Nerf bioweapons reportedly offer a variety of "completely safe" physical symptoms ranging from coughing, to temporary respiratory paralysis, to breaking out in colored polka-dot hives, to harmlessly rolling on the ground doing what company officials have termed the "crazy seizure dance."

"It was so cool," 11-year-old test user Alex Richanbach said. "First I started shaking a little, and then I got really, really hot. After that, everything went dark and dizzy, and when I woke up in the backyard, I puked up a bunch of foam balls."

I Can't Breathe

Jesus Rents

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Alpha Dog of the Week - George Rekers
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Fox News

I'm not a big Colbert fan, but this cracked me up.

I Got The Book, Anyway

On April 18, Propworx auctioned off a bunch of props from the first Iron Man.

I bought the auction catalog.

Together

Hoo baby. Let's all Fawn Together, Please ...

Conan On 60 Minutes

Velly eenteresting ...

Don't Say I Never Stooped Lowe

First Time Post in a series of Nick Lowe offerings. Is there a better songwriter in the history of rock and pop? I've offered a variety of albums from Nick's storied career. I think you'll find all of it awesome.

The Big To-Do

Another Furiously Tight Platter from my beloved Drive-by Truckers. I've only taken a cursory listen, but it doesn't seem to be much of a departure from their usual style. A nice addition to their last couple of albums has been bass player Shonna Tucker's weepy countryesque ballads, which fit in nicely with Cooley and Hood's usual boozey anthems.

Here's "This Fucking Job," which isn't necessarily the best song on the album, but it's representative, and perfectly titled.