Best Books (with words in them) I Read in 2013

I read some real winners this year.  Narrowing it down to 5 best was like being at Total Wine and More (which we have nothing like in Memphis) and knowing what I didn't drink on the spot would have to fit in my carry-on.  But after much deliberation, here are the ones I'm most glad to have read:


Beloved - Toni Morrison  (anyone know if she's related to Jim?)

Let the Right One In - John Ajvide Lindqvist (full disclosure: I read this in spite of it being recommended by Jay Bastardo.)

A Visit from the Goon Squad - Jennifer Egan

Dance Dance Dance - Haruki Murakami

Goodbye Columbus - Phillip Roth

Honorable mentions to Closely Watched Trains (by Hrabal, who someone turned me onto years ago), The Third Policeman (O'Brian) and Ender's Game (Card), all of which I enjoyed immensely. 

Now show me yours. 

More Year-End Lists: What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums This Year?

Praise the searchable database: The Consumer Product Safety Commission is the resource for the compilation below. Here is what your fellow Americans are inserting this year:

PENIS

penis plug

20-30 magnetic bucky balls

dice

fishtank airhose

antenna

sewing needle

dental floss with beads

marble

embedded domino in penis "to please the ladies"

VAGINA

glue stick

small finger vibrator - "it's still on"

"long black object"

penis ring

rivet

spoon

pencil eraser

napkins in vagina to have sex during period

RECTUM

soda can

soda bottle

flashlight

bathtub stopper

shot glass (broken)

sock

end of curtain rod

"big purple dildo"

toy submarine

"patient states he was experiencing an itchy rectum and inserted a remote control to scratch"

"patient states he got drunk and passed out at girlfriends house, awoke with spoons and dildos in rectum"

pool ball

lit bottle rocket; "it didn't go well"

My 2013 Best Of

• Black Sabbath - 13
• The Bronx - IV
• David Bowie - The Next Day
• Gary Numan - Splinter (Songs From A Broken Mind)
• Iggy & The Stooges - Ready To Die
• My Bloody Valentine - m b v
• Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - Push The Sky Away
• Nine Inch Nails - Hesitation Marks
• Superchunk - I Hate Music
• Yo La Tengo - Fade

As always, my definition of best means albums I was motivated to purchase and listen to repeatedly.  My honorable mention for 2013 includes ...

• Boards Of Canada - Tomorrow's Harvest
• Queens Of The Stone Age - ... Like Clockwork
• The Thermals - Desperate Ground
• They Might Be Giants - Nanobots
• Unknown Mortal Orchestra - II

Like I Was Saying ...

Here's my simple plan:

1. Drink black coffee at home.  (I already do at work.)
2. Eat a healthier breakfast.  No more PopTarts and muffins.  Half a cup of oatmeal, handful of raisins (or chopped up banana), handful of almonds, cinnamon.
3. Eat a healthier lunch. I take my lunch to work four days a week, so that should be easy.  Turkey sandwich on wheat bread (no cheese), pretzels, fruit.
4. No more snacking after dinner.
5. No drinking during the week.  A beer or two every night is killing me.
6. I'll pay more attention to portion sizes.
7. I'll work out at least three times a week, but hopefully four.

Somehow, I've managed to regain most of my weight. I got on the scales a week ago, and to my horror (notice I didn't say surprise), I'm back up to 193 pounds. Unacceptable. Of the things on my original list, I'm still doing one.

Bastards, I'm rededicating myself to the lifestyle pledge I made three years ago. Anybody else?

Of Course ... But Maybe

Behold the brilliance of Louis C.K.

Anyone Else Working This Xmas?

Yeah I thought so.

Happy Festivus, Citizens!

Also Shit

O'Toole sliced off the top of his finger in a boating accident during the production of "The Lion in Winter." His remedy? The actor dipped the finger in brandy before pushing it back into place and getting it bandaged. Three weeks later he unwrapped the bandage and found he'd put the top of the finger on upside down. "Probably because of the brandy, which I drank," he quipped.

I saw the 70mm re-release of Lawrence of Arabia at a great theater - the Paris, in Manhattan. Stunning. If you ever get a chance, go. Also a great film to get your Guinness on, since - as we all know - we're not allowed to appreciate Alec Guinness in Star Wars.

Alec Guinness Reads From His Diaries:

Shit

Billy Jack (Tom Laughlin) dead at 82.  Anybody remember those movies?  "Billy Jack’s Crusade To End The War In Iraq And Restore America To Its Moral Purpose" was probably my favorite.

Battle Of The PBS Stars

God, I used to love SCTV.

The Colourful Mr. Eggleston

Watch it before the BBC pulls it.

My new jam

I am really obsessed with this song. What a voice! She's called Mapei and she has an EP of generic and fairly crappy rap, but this is a preview single from an upcoming album where she's decided to sing. Yummy.

Last One There Pays for the Rest of Us!

See you there.

Yawn

Anybody listening to anything good these days?

'Tis The Season!

Massachusetts Mall Santa Charged with Groping Elf
BOSTON Tue Nov 26, 2013 (Reuters) - A man who worked as a Santa Claus in a Massachusetts shopping mall has been ordered not to put the red suit back on until a court resolves a charge that he groped an adult coworker over the weekend.