Nothing makes us faded rock guys think the Big Thoughts like giving interviews.Okay, I'm only half-kidding.
Kram and I sat down with Chris Davis (The Memphis Flyer) yesterday, and I must say, I sounded like a fucking moron. It's one of my insecurities, but I HATE talking about myself under any circumstances. I especially hate talking about myself to a local paper. Does anyone honestly care? Even as the words were coming out of my mouth, my brain was screaming, "No, you idiot! You're removing all doubt!"
It beggars (buggers?) belief that anyone still gives a shit about this train wreck of a band, and it's a tad humiliating as I draw a bead on 40 that my one great achievement (besides producing my children) was getting drunk and jumping around a filthy stage like an epileptic monkey. Interviews just bring that into focus, especially as that's all we end up talking about.
I'm having a great time catching up with Kram - now that he's Kram again - and relearning the songs has been a fun challenge, but this experience is reminding me of why I quit in the first place. Now I just want to hang around the house and play with my kids. What emotional deficiency made me feel the need to perform in front of others in the first place? It wasn't all about showing off for girls, was it?
7 comments:
Yeah, those of us who sat out in the audience all those years watching you dance like a monkey realize how much more valid our contribution to society was.
Kram was a fun guy when he was a fun guy. That's really the only Kram I never knew, luckily.
I think you're selling yourself short, which I would normally encourage, but not in this case. Here's the simple truth, monkey man: what you guys were doing was creating art. Because of your CDs and the memories of those performances, many people share ownership in the Subteens phenomena. Probably not by chance you mention your children and the 'teens in the same post, since creating art is like sending your child into the world, something you orignated but has a life of its own. A lot of people still care about the Subteens and how you sound in an interview won't affect that. How interested would you be to read an interview with Clanky's Nub? If no one cared or wanted to read it, they wouldn't be doing the story. By the way I'm sure you sounded fine in the interview, your queerness doesn't really come through that much when you're talking about music.
I'm frankly surprised you are asking yourself such questions. You played rock and roll for the same reasons I did: because you could, and because rock and roll is great. Music is still incredibly important in my life, but those younger band days are like being in love the first time: often surpassed, never replicated. Being in a band was an identity, just as being a husband and father is an identity now. I'm not convinced that your desire to play came from some need for acceptance of anything like that. I think you just liked the visceral experience of playing rock and roll music and expressing yourself through music. Now, even though those things might not float your boat in the same way as they used to, it doesn't invalidate what it meant to you then. As a fellow veteran of the intergalactic rock and roll survivor wars who is currently on 'hiatus', I know of what I speak. Cast your mind back young man, and you'll surely recall how 'real' rock and roll music was to us. It was the center of everything. You should be damn proud of all the things you accomplished in your rock and roll life, as well as for having the sense to move on when it was time. You, sir, are a rock and roller. Forget the interview and concentrate on the tunes, cause that's all that matters anyway.
Geez, well said Mr. B.
All points taken! Thanks for the reality check, guys.
I think this reunion thing is more of a mindfuck than I thought it would be. (Which is really stupid, I know.)
Not stupid at all. If and when the YBs finally reunite it is going to be weird as hell and will probably be the impetus for a lot of introspection, life-assessing, etc. Kind of like turning 40. Which I'll be doing in 6 short weeks.
I guess any sort of reunion makes you encounter a former version of yourself. I skipped my 20th HS reunion, which is pretty pathetic since I now live 10 minutes from the school. But just getting the invitation in the mail threw me into a Big Thought malaise for weeks.
Post a Comment