Saturday, May 06, 2006

The Castrating Heartbreak of Cinco de Mayo

Last night I decided to make a pitcher of frozen margaritas in honor of Cinco de Mayo and to give honor to my mestizo heritage (great grandmother was a Mexican Native American). I got the blender out, found my pre-made Margarita mix and busted out my bottle of cheap rot gut tequila. I even found my special margarita glasses and my 'rim salt'.

Now I like a 'rocks' Margarita just as much as the next fella, but I've found that when you drink the caliber of liquor that I drink, frozen cocktails just seem like a better idea. Maybe the melting ice helps to dilute the turpentine crap that I drink.

So there I was, ready to rock this blender and create a smooth, creamy drink to enjoy with my ground turkey tacos, when suddenly ........ I dropped the ice cubes. All over the floor. A floor, which, while nominally clean, is still covered in microscopic pollen and cat dander at this, the height of allergy season for me.

After I calmed down, I decided I had just enough cubes left to make a nice Tequila Sunrise. I even had grenadine by God's Glory! And yet, the orange juice carton felt suspiciously light, and upon investigation revealed just a pulpy mass of nothing in the bottom. What was I to do? I had a couple of brews in the fridge, but they are dark English ales and it would be insulting to my Mexican heritage to drink the beer of the colonizer. Well, technically, the English never colonized Mexico, but I know they would have if they had really put their minds to it.

I ended up driving to the store and buying more orange juice and making a decent tequila sunrise. But let me tell you brothers, some days it is not easy being 1/8 Mexican.

3 comments:

Joe said...

I knew there was always something I liked about you, Dave. Stay strong, hermano.

I've been trying to come up with a "Jay's had a lot of Mexicans in him, though" type joke, but I just can't make it sound funny.

Jay said...

Your story brought a tear to my eye, Li'l Davey B. I thank you most kindly.

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