Live Every Week Like It's Shark Week!

Happy Shark Week, Bastards! Join me in saluting legendary pop culture sharks and shark-ish creatures. Learn more about laser sharks here or from our own four-star sharkmaster, Bastard Matt.







                                       Sharktopus

I NEVER thought I'd say this but.....

I'm tired of looking at fetuses. Stay cool Bastards!

Flaming Lips Album Released Inside a Fetus

I like these guy, but they always seem to out-weird themselves. Their latest album has been released on a USB stick embedded in a gummy fetus. It's also available online, but who wouldn't want a gummy fetus.

Holding Steady, Staying Positive

Craig Finn from the Hold Steady has a fantastic Tumblr. He's been chronicling his time in Austin the past few days, which included this juicy tidbit:

The Hold Steady start writing for record #6 in September. Meanwhile, I’m down in Austin making a record with Mike McCarthy. This one is a solo project.

Needless to say, I'm excited. Really, really excited.

The Flaming C In Lego

Watch as Brick Artist Nathan Sawaya creates a stunning statue of [Conan's alter-ego] The Flaming C right in front of your very eyes!

Friii---day!

Been a long hot summer week. Could use a good weekend about now.

Pistols In Memphis

Of course, we all know the Pistols played in Memphis. Now, you can relive the experience through the magic of File Transfer Protocol! Yours until some bastard deletes it!

Free Burrito Grande for anybody who can decipher the banter.

Black Dynamite, Motherf_cker!

New cartoon on Adult Swim premiering next spring, but we can watch the pilot on adultswim.com on August 8.

Vote Metal

The Awl (whatever that is) has a list of members of congress with totally metal names. Topping the list: Rep. Louise Slaughter (D-NY). I guess John Boehner would've made the list if it was totally porn star names.

A Simple Yet Shocking Fact

God I love these old mental health films. Internet Archive has the whole enchilada here.

October 17

Hope it doesn't suck.

Another Bastard-y Birthday!

I thought we'd celebrate Dr. Matt's birthday by showing the work he did for me earlier this summer! And it was free!

Hissssss

Fernando Sez

Ha ha.

Tone Matrix

Make your own summer theme music HERE by clicking on the squares.

This Looks Good

Let's see: Spielberg, Jamie Bell, Andy Serkis and Daniel Craig, effects by Weta. (This may come as a complete surprise, but I read The Adventures of Tintin in elementary school ...)

Oniony Goodness

FIRED I.T. GUY STICKS PORN INTO CEO'S POWERPOINT PRESENTATION

DRUNK PUPPY BUYING BANNED BY WEST VILLAGE PET STORES

MAN ALLEGEDLY WOUNDED BY TWO 'BOOTY CALL NINJAS'

These are all from Onion-like: a site displaying stories that sound like they were made up by The Onion, but are in fact real.

Defective

Defective Detective by Avner Geller and Stevie Lewis.

Details here.

Children's Art Critic

Holy shit, I almost had a seizure when I saw this one. Three words: too many colors. Also, eggs aren't supposed to have ears, dipshit. F



This one wouldn't be too bad if the color were kept inside the lines, you picked a new perspective, used non-abrasive colors and asked someone with talent to paint it for you. On one hand I want to give an A for effort but... F



This one would receive an "A" if the assignment was to throw as much random shit onto a paper as poorly as you can. I've pissed patterns on snow that look more coherent than this. F

Enjoy more children's art with unfiltered appraisal here.

Ha Ha

“There comes a time when you look into the mirror and you realize that what you see is all that you will ever be. And then you accept it. Or you kill yourself. Or you stop looking in mirrors.”

- Tennessee Williams