Typical Bastard Blogger Exchange

Eric's on the left, we're on the right.

You Guys Give Up, Or Are You Thirsty For More?

I've always wondered about this ...

Since its debut in 1990, Home Alone has become as much a part of the Christmas cinematic ritual as It's a Wonderful Life. But unlike that uplifting tale about the good of mankind, Home Alone tells a rather unsettling Christmas story of a precocious 8-year-old who, accidentally abandoned by his family, is forced to defend his home from two dimwitted burglars. Kevin McCallister (Macaulay Culkin) turns his family's home into a veritable funhouse of torturous booby traps that so-called Wet Bandits Marv (Daniel Stern) and Harry (Joe Pesci) hilariously stumble through, and the transformation of a suburban Chicago home into a relentless injury machine is nothing short of spectacular. But it does require quite a suspension of disbelief. Can a man really be hit square in the face with a steam iron and walk away unfazed? What kind of permanent physical damage would a blow torch to the head really do? To answer these questions and officially dissolve Home Alone's Hollywood magic, I spoke with my friend Dr. Ryan St. Clair of the Weill Cornell Medical College. Enjoy.

Full article here.

Not So Fast, Matt

Happy belated birthday, you bastard! See you tomorrow, by the way.

Brilliant One-Two Punch

Things are getting interesting. From CNN ("Mitt Romney's painfully bad week"):

Thursday morning, the Obama campaign released a tough ad attacking the record of downsizing and outsourcing at Romney's old firm, Bain Capital. 

The Romney campaign reacted with outrage. That same day, it announced a multimillion-dollar purchase of airtime for an ad that bluntly accused President Obama of lying. 

In support of the ad, Romney's team argued that he had left Bain Capital in February 1999; the incidents alluded to by the Obama campaign all occurred after that date and had nothing to do with Romney. 

Wham. The first attack on Romney had been a jab, dropping Romney's guard against the haymaker: On Friday, the Obama team counter-charged that it was Romney who was lying in his ads or who had committed a felony, lying on 140 official forms that he signed as CEO and sole shareholder of Bain between 1999 and 2002. 

Romney now chased the Obama story, granting five TV interviews to reiterate his version of events. The more he talked, the more deeply into trouble he sank. By Sunday, even Romney supporters were urging the thing he wants least: release of more income tax returns. 

And here again, what got Romney into the trouble was his war room. It was the too-fierce response to Attack 1 -- the adamant insistence that Romney had nothing, nothing to do with anything that happened at Bain after February 1999 -- that set up Romney for Attack 2: Did he lie on SEC forms? And now he will struggle through the rest of the election trying to reconcile his answers.

Dubstep Dispute

That's The Stuff

Summertime is here, so why not crank Gaz Coombes (Supergrass) new album? Fun Times, People!

My Weekend Plans Include ...

Joss Whedon script with lots of twists and turns. 72 on Metacritic!

I'm in.

Guacamologist

Not that anyone spends his Mondays considering alternate careers, of course, but "Guacamologist" is definitely on the short list. Making margaritas and Texas guacamagic at the Ritz-Carlton just sounds so... something. Story here. And I don't even like avocado.

If I Received One Of These, I'd Frame It

TGIF, you SOBs.

Har Har

Anybody see the remake? Anybody planning to?

Golden Books

I've been meaning to post this for awhile, but Josh Cooley, a mighty talented story artist at Pixar, has produced a series of Golden Book parodies based on classic movies for adults such as The Terminator, 2001: A Space Odyssey and Good Fellas. I've collected the ones I could For The Price of a few minutes. Just ask for Cooley ...

Derezzed

Maybe. Maybe not.

Ha Ha

Comic strip based on old Nancy Drew cover. Click to embiggen.

Tweet

Yes, Twitter is ridiculous. But Conan O'Brien is funny. I'm torn.

Examples:

Conan O'Brien: The Kindle 3 was released yesterday. I read about it on my iPad.

Conan O'Brien: Starting to make big strides on the TBS show. We’re finally getting close to picking a host.

Conan O'Brien: Just read that Facebook has reached 500 million users. Congrats to everyone who helped create history's largest stalker/pedophile buffet.

Conan O'Brien: The courts have slashed FCC policy, relaxing the ban on TV profanity. Coming this Fall to TBS: "Conan's G*d Damn F***ing Sh*t A**hole Hour".

Check it out or don't over here.

Please Welcome Our New Newest Bastard

Would you also please welcome Matt, frequent lurker, sometime commenter and full-time bastard.

Matt's my brother-in-law, but if his first post sucks, this was all Joe's idea. No pressure.

That Reminds Me ...

Dave's post reminded me of a business card of sorts that Mr. Martin used to distribute back in his stand-up days.

What Were You Doing When You Were 12?

Besides beating off, I mean.

Assuming this kid is straight, I think he's set in the poontang department for awhile ...

Dear Coke Talk

One of my new web infatuations is Dear Coke Talk. It's basically an advice column ("Shady advice from a raging bitch who has no business answering any of these questions."), but this chick is funny as hell and always on the money.

Do I have an example? Sure, right here ...

On toxic girls.

What’s the best way to deal with mixed signals? I’ve been getting jerked around by this girl. She’ll hook up with me, everything will be great, then we’ll go out again and she’ll shoot me down, then tell me a week later about the guy she fucked, then start the process again. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, self-respect, etc, but she’s the type where she loves the idea that she’s getting to me. She’s one of those fucked up always feels like she has to win even when no one else is playing. I see this girl almost every day, too, for work/school purposes. I’m thinking the gradual fade out, but I really love the idea of telling her to stop with the bullshit and the games. The thing is, does anything good ever come of that? I feel like by showing that it’s getting to me and getting worked up about, I’m coming off like a pussy, and she won’t respect that.


Mixed signals? You mean mind games. There’s a big difference.

It sounds like your girl has something to prove. Not to you, by the way. You’re disposable. It’s nothing personal. I guarantee she thinks that about everyone but daddy.

She’s used to having boys wrapped around her finger. Fine. You seem to know that. Now the trick is not giving a shit. Get her out from under your skin. Girls like her are toxic. If you start trying to beat her at those mind games it will turn you into an asshole. She’s not worth it, I promise.

If it makes it any easier, just remember that it doesn’t matter what you do. She’s never going to respect you, so don’t bother trying to earn any.

Officially Open For Bidness

Have I mentioned this movie yet? Official site is up.

Best Worst Movie

I want to see this. (The documentary, not Troll II.)



What, you don't remember Troll II? Here's a taste ...