More Year-End Lists: What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums This Year?

Praise the searchable database: The Consumer Product Safety Commission is the resource for the compilation below. Here is what your fellow Americans are inserting this year:

PENIS

penis plug

20-30 magnetic bucky balls

dice

fishtank airhose

antenna

sewing needle

dental floss with beads

marble

embedded domino in penis "to please the ladies"

VAGINA

glue stick

small finger vibrator - "it's still on"

"long black object"

penis ring

rivet

spoon

pencil eraser

napkins in vagina to have sex during period

RECTUM

soda can

soda bottle

flashlight

bathtub stopper

shot glass (broken)

sock

end of curtain rod

"big purple dildo"

toy submarine

"patient states he was experiencing an itchy rectum and inserted a remote control to scratch"

"patient states he got drunk and passed out at girlfriends house, awoke with spoons and dildos in rectum"

pool ball

lit bottle rocket; "it didn't go well"

Nap Attack!

Any of you young trendsetters got one of these yet?

Okay

Gratuitous picture of Barbara Bach so I don't have to look at that frame from the labor video.

Nothing Can Hurt Me II: Spanking For Jebus

"You don’t have to be a Christian to practice domestic discipline, although many of its practitioners say they believe that domestic discipline goes hand in hand with their faith. Specifics of the practice vary by couple, though CDDers all seem to follow a few basic principles. Foremost, that the Bible commands a husband to be the head of the household, and the wife must submit to him, in every way, or face painful chastisement.

From an article I read recently.

Joe, as Special Bastard Liaison to the Pope, where do you stand on this? Should Bachelor Dave bring it up with his fiancé?

Hey, Jay

Bastard in Paradise

So next Thursday I'll be heading to Hawaii (Maui to be exact) for a week of sand and sun. Did I mention that this trip is pretty much paid for by my incredibly generous father and stepmom? And that we'll be seeing a magic show? And whale watching? Have a nice end of January plebes!

You Guys Give Up, Or Are You Thirsty For More?

I've always wondered about this ...

Since its debut in 1990, Home Alone has become as much a part of the Christmas cinematic ritual as It's a Wonderful Life. But unlike that uplifting tale about the good of mankind, Home Alone tells a rather unsettling Christmas story of a precocious 8-year-old who, accidentally abandoned by his family, is forced to defend his home from two dimwitted burglars. Kevin McCallister (Macaulay Culkin) turns his family's home into a veritable funhouse of torturous booby traps that so-called Wet Bandits Marv (Daniel Stern) and Harry (Joe Pesci) hilariously stumble through, and the transformation of a suburban Chicago home into a relentless injury machine is nothing short of spectacular. But it does require quite a suspension of disbelief. Can a man really be hit square in the face with a steam iron and walk away unfazed? What kind of permanent physical damage would a blow torch to the head really do? To answer these questions and officially dissolve Home Alone's Hollywood magic, I spoke with my friend Dr. Ryan St. Clair of the Weill Cornell Medical College. Enjoy.

Full article here.

Underwearld

I haven't seen any of these fine films, but apparently Kate Beckinsale's ass is a recurrent character. Underworld Awakening out today.

Glutton for Punishment

Heading to the Big Easy again this weekend for a wedding. It also happens to be French Quarter Fest. I'm still not 100% from Mardi Gras. Heeelppp....