More Year-End Lists: What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums This Year?

Praise the searchable database: The Consumer Product Safety Commission is the resource for the compilation below. Here is what your fellow Americans are inserting this year:

PENIS

penis plug

20-30 magnetic bucky balls

dice

fishtank airhose

antenna

sewing needle

dental floss with beads

marble

embedded domino in penis "to please the ladies"

VAGINA

glue stick

small finger vibrator - "it's still on"

"long black object"

penis ring

rivet

spoon

pencil eraser

napkins in vagina to have sex during period

RECTUM

soda can

soda bottle

flashlight

bathtub stopper

shot glass (broken)

sock

end of curtain rod

"big purple dildo"

toy submarine

"patient states he was experiencing an itchy rectum and inserted a remote control to scratch"

"patient states he got drunk and passed out at girlfriends house, awoke with spoons and dildos in rectum"

pool ball

lit bottle rocket; "it didn't go well"

Phallus Phriday

Phallocopters!

The Pocket Hose Fits In The Palm Of Your Hand...

...and grows to a GIANT HOSE!!

Deforestation: Endangered Species

Medical update: due to the popularity of the Brazilian bikini wax and nether-region depilation, pthirus pubis - the pubic louse - is finding it hard to make a home. More on this endangered species. The Surgeon Bastard has suggested a good back, sack & crack wax for everyone. [Except Jay, who qualifies for conscientious objector status.]

I don't care about Marvel vs DC I just want some good nut shots

The Land of Happy Little Accidents

I'm sure we've all done this at one time or another... watch The Joy of Painting that is

Free Willard!

Film star and Bastard hero Fred Willard (Spinal Tap, Anchorman,etc.) was arrested for lewd conduct at an adult-themed theater in L.A. last week. His only previous lewd conduct charge was in 1990, so he may get off with um, counseling. Story here.

Willard's review: a "lousy film".

I know, I know.. there are still adult theaters?

Ball Enthusiast

The NCAA tournament bracket is the hound that bites my sack. Any of you knowledgeable types can clue me in to some solid picks?

This Ain't Exactly "The Watchmen"

Jay, did you start writing your own comic? Actually this shit's real y'all. See, it's right over here