It's That Time of Year Again!

Check out this old SNL interview and performance.

Although it's hard to beat Tap for getting you into the holiday mood, I'm currently digging Ringo's Christmas album, which is on the Fire-Throned Parapet. Merry Christmas, bastards!

I'm Gonna Go Out On A Limb ...

And declare "Death Or Glory" the best fucking song The Clash ever wrote. Anyone?

Death Or Glory

Now every cheap hood strikes a bargain with the world
Ends up making payments on a sofa or a girl
LOVE and HATE tattooed across the knuckles of his hands
Hands that slap his kids around 'cause they don't understand how

Death or glory becomes just another story
Death or glory becomes just another story

And every gimmick hungry yob digging gold from rock 'n roll
Grabs the mike to tell us he'll die before he's sold
But I believe in this and it's been tested by research
He who fucks nuns will later join the church

Death or glory becomes just another story
Death or glory becomes just another story

Fear in the gun-sights
They say lie low
You say okay
Don't wanna play the show
Now all you're thinking
"Was it death or glory now?"
Playing the blues of kings
Sure looks better now

Death or glory just another story
Death or glory just another story

From every dingy basement on every dingy street
Every dragging handclap over every dragging beat
It's just the beat of time the beat that must go on
If you've been trying for years we already heard your song

Death or glory becomes just another story
Death or glory just another story

We gonna march a long way
Fight a long time
We got to travel over mountains
Got to travel over seas
We gonna fight your brother
We gonna fight 'til you lose
We gonna raise trouble
We gonna raise hell

We gonna fight your brother
Raise hell

Death or glory becomes just another story
Death or glory becomes just another story

Death or glory just another story
Death or glory becomes just another story

Who else had one of these?

Hell, that kid might BE me. I used to love Evel Knievel. I remember watching his stunts on TV, including the infamous Snake River Jump. We had inflated the event to 'jumping the Grand Canyon in a rocket ship' on my block, but it was riveting just the same.

Evidently ol' Evel died today. His website crashed when I went to look for info, but if its true, RIP daredevil.

"Tom Answers the Tough Questions - The McDonald's Analogy"

This amusing article is taken from some radio station website:

Why guys don't want to be friends with a girl who breaks up with them...

I know a girl who broke up with a guy and she told him she wanted to "still be friends." He said, "No thanks." She wondered why he couldn't fall back to being just friends after they had a romantic relationship. I came up with the "McDonalds Analogy" to try and explain it in a simple way that would help all women understand this tough question.

Imagine if you went to McDonalds a lot and ordered a Big Mac Combo meal. A Big Mac, Large Fries and a Coke. You really like this meal. One day, you pull up to the drivethrough and order the Big Mac Combo meal and the girl tells you, "I'm sorry - you can have the Big Mac and the Coke, but you can't get fries with that anymore." You think about this for a moment, and sure - the Big Mac is the centerpiece of the meal, but McDonalds has some really good fries and you like their fries with your meal. So you say, "I've been able to get fries with that before, why can't I have fries with my Big Mac combo anymore?" The girls says, "Well, I just think it is better if you only have the Big Mac and the Coke from here on out."

At this point, a lot of guys are going to go to Wendy's or BK and see if they can get fries with their combo at that drivethrough window. But there are some guys who REALLY like McDonalds Big Macs and they might think, "If I keep coming here and ordering the Big Mac and Coke, maybe she'll change her mind and give me some fries with that later." So they will keep on getting the combo without the fries until the deal breaker happens: One day that guy is going to order the Big Mac and Coke and then he's going to pull up a little bit to pay, and someone else is going to pull up to the drivethrough speaker and order the "Big Mac Combo" and he is going to hear the girl say, "Would you like fries with that?"

That's why guys don't like to be friends with a girl who breaks up with them.

Mind The Gap?

Emma Clarke, the voice of the London Tube, was recently fired for posting these spoof announcements on her personal Web site. (Some are pretty funny.)

By Request, Some Don Martin

Good News, Bad News

It is with a heavy heart that I must report that Rock And Roll Confidential (Your Band Sucks!) is officially dead. From the source:

I bear almost no resemblance to the person that started that site in 2000. Through the site–more specifically the forum attached to the site–I have forged friendships I hold very dear. I have been inspired by these friendships and have made what many would consider a radical shift in the the way I think and act. Turning forty played a significant role in shaping who I am today. Working at a job I love with brilliant, kind people has made it possible for me to wake up each morning looking forward to what the day holds. Simply put, I try to do good. (Emphasis on “try”)

Now, before I go any further, I should state for the record that I am an agnostic. None of these changes were brought about by Jesus. They were brought about by the kindness of other people. The Golden Rule.

More important than all of that “I’ve changed” razzmatazz is this unavoidable fact: I don’t think making fun of band dudes is funny any more. Not only have I personally plumbed the depths of that particular comedy well, but I have crossed over from “Guy Who Makes Fun of Stuff He Knows About” to “Guy Who Just Doesn’t Get It Anymore Because He Is Too Old.” Not that I’m at all tickled to be old and out of touch, but that’s what happens. I never thought there would be a day when I hadn’t heard a single song in the Billboard Top Ten. Yet, here I am.

I wear stronger glasses and sweater vests. I like sweater vests. I like watching birds from the porch of my office. I like talking about gardening. (I like talking about a lot of stuff I don’t actually do.) I’m a middle-aged man in the strictest sense of the term. If I live to be eighty, I am past the middle of my life. And middle-aged men have no business making fun of band dudes half their age. Also, middle-aged men have no business dating women half their age. Guess which statement I feel more strident about.

The good news? Dude has a new blog called Round Is Funny, which seems to be a more mature effort. But still laugh-out-loud funny.

In Case You're Still Struggling With What To Get Me For Christmas ...

The First Post, October 5, 2007
"This mammoth two-volume hardcover set collects every single piece of art that 'MAD's Maddest Artist' created from 1957 to 1987 - a 1,000-page body of work that displays astounding consistency, as well as provoking endless laughs. Illustrating absurdist gags that routinely bordered on the berserk, Martin's artwork featured a keen and detail-rich comedic sense. Terrific stuff: no wonder he's regarded as one of the all-time greats."

Request

Does anyone have either of these albums? Hmm...? Lurker...? Hmm...?

A 70s Vinyl Guiltfest!

My wife's uncle Tom was going to throw out his vinyl collection but fortunately offered it to me instead. It's quite the stash. About 50 records dating from the mid-70s to the early 80s and ranging from Eagles, Jackson Browne, Buffet singer-songwriter stuff to "jazz" like Mangione and Benson with some gems like the Police (Zenyatta, Ghosts and Synchronicity). And curiously two Mariah Carey albums, which I'm sure Dave could have FTP'd us if we'd just asked.

A couple of gems are the Buckingham Nicks album that pre-dated their Meetwood Flac days ('Rumors' is also in the collection'), 'Tubular Bells' (the zenith / nadir of pretentious prog), and 'Champagne Jam' by ARS. There's also an interesting assortment of one-hit wonder albums like Bob Welch's French Kiss, which has 'Sentimental Lady,' Nicolette Larson's album with 'Whole Lotta Love' (Neil wrote it, ya' know) and Little River Band's 'Sleeper Catcher' (whatever the fuck that means) which actually has two pretty big hits.

I've been in in a groovy paradise, fellas. Most of this shit I wouldn't pull from the bargain bin, but I've been listening to it for around 3 weeks now and it's the tits.

Kevin Dubrow dead at 52

Back in my metal days, I was a real snob about 'American' vs. 'British' metal. I loved the British, detested the hair bands. Quiet Riot's first album was a bit of a mix between the two, and while I can't say I was ever a big fan, my young metal mind did find itself drawn towards a couple of songs. In their own way, QR did for metal what Nirvana did for alternative music: had a number one album hit which helped, for better or for worse, to open the commercial floodgates for a genre that had previously been underground.

Kevin Dubrow was found dead this weekend in his Vegas home. No cause of death yet, but I'm sure we'll hear all about it. RIP Kevin.

This Looks Indescribably Good

Sweet baby Jesus in the manger, I love me some Steve Martin. Here, Mr. Martin recounts his years in stand-up, calling his memoir a biography - not an autobiography - because it's about someone he used to know. This book is rumored to be outstanding, and judging from the following deleted passage, it's a "can't miss" for me ...

On Returning to Disneyland
Ten years later, after the Beatles, drugs, and Vietnam had changed the entire tenor of American life, I returned to the magic shop at Disneyland and stood as a stranger. As I looked around the eerily familiar room another first came over me, a previously unknown emotion, one that was to have a curious force over me for the rest my life: the longing tug of nostalgia. Looking at the counter where I pitched Svengali Decks and the Incredible Shrinking Die, I was awash with the recollection of indelible nights where the sky was blown open by fireworks and big band sounds drifted through trees strung with fairy lights. I remembered my youth, when every moment was crisply present, when heartbreak and joy replaced each other quickly, fully and without trauma. Even now when I visit Disneyland, I am steeped in melancholy, because a corporation has preserved my nostalgia impeccably. Every nail and screw is the same, and Disneyland looks as new now as it did then. The paint is fresh, and the only wear allowed is faux. In fact, only I have changed. In the dream-like world of childhood memories, so often vague and imprecise, Disneyland remains for me not only vivid in memory, but vivid in fact.

Take Me to the Riot

Incredible song from my fave new discovery, Stars. I think they hail from Canada and there are some comparisons to Arcade Fire (husband/wife singers, etc.). This song is pure alt-pop new-wavey, big chorus perfection. Feel free to skip the incredibly pretentious opening of this 'film' and go directly to the song starting at 1.07. If anyone's interested, I can Feel The Power. I picked up the album yesterday and I think I'm really going to dig it.

No Country for Old Men

Very cool film, see it, by all means. If a movie can be said to be feng shui, then this one is just that. All its parts seem in perfect harmony, the bleak landscape, very spare sets, almost no music in the whole film; there's a clinical coolness about it that creates an environment conducive to focusing on what the characters do. The film is never emotionally manipulative, never formulaic, and the only flaws I saw were when the film was in the service of the screenplay rather than the other way around. Several fervent monologues came off as stilted and literary, times when you're reminded that what the characters are saying is from a script, this is not real life. But a great film anyway. Saw several familiar cast members I couldn't place. Josh Brolin is one of the main characters, Mikey's big brother in Gooney's, and Renton's school girl from Trainspotting (and the girl in Tristram Shandy) was his wife. Tommy Lee was fine and probably in line for an Oscar nomination. The film gets nominated for many academy awards, but isn't the big winner, I think.

Happy Turkey Day

Everybody have a safe Thanksgiving, and make sure to eat until you're uncomfortable.

Joe Has A Subscription To This Magazine

Firefox 3 Beta!

CNET is reporting that Firefox 3 beta has been released. I'm a huge Firefox fan, so this is exciting news. Generally, other, more popular browsers steal all their best ideas from the Little Mozilla Browser That Could, but I'll stand on the highest mountain in the land and proclaim that IE7 sucks whale dicks. It's slow, insecure, and its mother smells like potted meat. (Hey, kinda like Joe!)

Besides Gecko 1.9, there are a number of areas of change for Firefox 3. Among them:

• Security. New features include the ability to integrate antivirus software with downloads; one-click Web site identity verification; automatic testing to make sure plug-ins aren't older versions found to be insecure and automatic disabling if they are; and support for Windows Vista parental controls.

• Ease of use. Touted improvements include downloading that can be resumed after the browser has been restarted or network connection reset; users can zoom and out of Web pages in their entirety, including layout, text, and graphics; plug-ins can be managed centrally with the Add-On Manager; and mailto links can now launch Web-based e-mail applications such as Gmail, not just local applications on the PC such as Outlook.

• Personalization. Web pages can be bookmarked with one click and tagged with a double-click (though the interface looked rough to me); the aforementioned feature provides a list of possible matching Web pages based on what you type in the location bar; and a new Smart Places folder provides access to pages that are frequently visited or that have been recently bookmarked and tagged.

Read the article here.

Say, this suicide really is painless!

Wonderful scene from a fantastic movie. Great Last Supper imagery + the song sung as it was meant to be.

Speaking of Bob...

I really WANT to see this .

Speaking Of Radiohead ...

This snippet from a recent Radiohead webcast demonstrates the band's sense of humor. The song is "15 Step," the first on In Rainbows.

15 Step

How come I end up where I started
How come I end up where I went wrong
Won't take my eyes off the ball again
You reel me out then you cut the string

How come I end up where I started
How come I end up where I went wrong
Won't take my eyes off the ball again
You reel me out then you cut the string

You used to be alright
What happened?
Did the cat get your tongue
Did your string come undone
One by one
One by one
It comes to us all
It's as soft as your pillow

You used to be alright
What happened?
Etcetera etcetera
Facts for whatever
Fifteen steps
Then a shear drop