Friday!

Have a good weekend, Bastards!  I'm in Little Rock all next week!  Kill me!

Merry F*&%$ Christmas

I have an idea. How's about we all exchange physical addresses (through an email that I will start) and everyone creates a custom CD compilation and sends it to everyone else for Christmas. Eric, I know your crazy Jewish Rastafarian Hindu faith doesn't always observe Christmas, but I'm sure you can make an exception. CDs could be themed (mine will be), obscure, all time faves, or whatever. Indicate whether you're in by adding a comment that says something like....."I'm in". Takers?

Grammar Nerd Humor

Wiliam Safire's Rules For Writers

• Remember to never split an infinitive.
• The passive voice should never be used.
• Do not put statements in the negative form.
• Verbs have to agree with their subjects.
• Proofread carefully to see if you words out.
• If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be by rereading and editing.
• A writer must not shift your point of view.
• And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction. (Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.)
• Don’t overuse exclamation marks!!
• Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
• Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
• If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
• Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
• Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
• Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
• Always pick on the correct idiom.
• The adverb always follows the verb.
• Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; seek viable alternatives.

A Modest Proposal

The scale says 195.4 pounds, about 15 more than I'd like. Losing one or two pounds a week, making healthy, permanent lifestyle changes is the way to go.

Here's my simple plan:

1. Drink black coffee at home.  (I already do at work.)
2. Eat a healthier breakfast.  No more PopTarts and muffins.  Half a cup of oatmeal, handful of raisins (or chopped up banana), handful of almonds, cinnamon.
3. Eat a healthier lunch. I take my lunch to work four days a week, so that should be easy.  Turkey sandwich on wheat bread (no cheese), pretzels, fruit.
4. No more snacking after dinner.
5. No drinking during the week.  A beer or two every night is killing me.
6. I'll pay more attention to portion sizes.
7. I'll work out at least three times a week, but hopefully four.

Anybody else want to take the challenge?  We can weigh in once a week and post it here for additional motivation.  Come on, ya fat pussies.

Speaking Of British Sitcoms

Anybody heard of The IT Crowd? I've only caught a few episodes, but the basic idea is that two IT nerds, relegated to the basement, fuck with (and suffer the indignities of) everybody in their building, including their clueless manager, Jen.

Blog Lift!

Things seem a little slow and down around here lately. What with Andy and Mike's work travel, my busy schedule, Joe's unemployment and Jay's general lethargy, things around the ol' Bastardos universe seem a little grim. To alleviate all of that, I am recycling this oldie but goodie that never ceases to make me laugh. EXTREMELY NSFW LANGUAGE!!



Now buck up, friends, and tally ho!

Happy Veteran's Day

The wisdom of General George S. Patton. Best remembered as the first US pentathlete in the 1912 Olympics, he actually went on to have a noteworthy military career. (This clip was also one of George C. Scott's finest acting moments.)

We Survived

25 kids at our son's 7th birthday party (at home). What could go wrong?

Randy Newman Defends the USA

Mr. Newman has a new CD out and it is seriously great. This track is a real highlight. Flow The Patriotism!

Things To NOT Do When You're In A Hurry

My brother-in-law Matt hipped me to Buck Frain, an angry Australian.

Today, some advice. Highly recommended reading.

First Drafts Of The Parables Of Jesus

By A.J. Packman

Jesus said, "Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash."

One of the disciples asked, "What of the man who builds his house inside the house built on the rock? Surely his house will be even less damaged by water and wind. Is this what we should do?"

And Jesus said, "No, don't do that."

Read more here.