You can't escape the long arm of the law

Apparently you can get a DUI while driving a motorized barstool.

Chateau Violence

These are a couple of "viral" ads for Stella Artois (or Chateau Violence, as it is often known, given its popularity with traveling English football "supporters"), which remake "24" and "Die Hard With A Vengeance" as French new wave cinema. Most amusing.

Wading towards home

I was reading recently an excellent article by Michael Lewis on the economic meltdown in Iceland [Think we have it bad here? U.S. debt is approximately 350% of GDP; Iceland's is 850%, and recent losses by Icelandic banks amount to $330,000 for every man, woman, and child in the country], and I was reminded of this excellent piece for the New York Times Magazine, which chronicles Lewis's upbringing in New Orleans, and his trips back in the immediate aftermath of "the Storm." A couple of short extracts below will give you the flavor, but well worth reading in its entirety.

Every Christmas, my mother's side of the family gathered for a party that confirmed for me that just about all white New Orleanians, even the horrible ones, were somehow blood relations. Before I could do long division, I knew the difference between a third cousin and a first cousin twice removed. Wherever I went, I was defined by family, living and dead. . . .

My father is a different sort, less keen on getting his hands dirty. For 40 years, from the comfort of his private library, he has, every other Saturday, watched my mother push a lawn mower back and forth across the front lawn without so much as a passing thought that he might lend a hand. He was fond of citing the Lewis family motto:

Do as little as possible
And that unwillingly
For it is better to incur a slight reprimand
Than to perform an arduous task.

. . . . Leaving Ms. Perrier, I wandered down and met my first former Israeli commandos, along with their Uptown New Orleans employers, who had come to liberate their homes. They had just landed Russian assault helicopters in Audubon Park. Not one, but two groups of Uptown New Orleanians had rented these old Soviet choppers, along with four-to-six-man Israeli commando units (platoons? squads?), and swooped down onto the soccer field beside the Audubon Zoo. . . . . The commandos went inside to "clear the house." A nice little yellow house just one block from my childhood home. Not a human being - apart from Ms. Perrier and me - for a mile in each direction. And yet they raised their guns, opened the door, entered and rattled around. A few minutes later they emerged, looking grim.

"You got some mold on the upstairs ceiling," one commando said gravely.

. . . . There wasn't a house in the Garden District, or Uptown, that could not have been easily entered; there wasn't a house in either area that didn't have food and water to keep a family of five alive for a week; and there was hardly a house in either place that had been violated in any way. And the grocery stores! I spent some time inside a Whole Foods choosing from the selection of PowerBars. The door was open, the shelves groaned with untouched bottles of water and food. Downtown, 25,000 people spent the previous four days without food and water when a few miles away - and it's a lovely stroll - entire grocery stores, doors ajar, were untouched. From the moment the crisis downtown began, there had been a clear path, requiring maybe an hour's walk, to food, water and shelter. And no one, not a single person, it seemed, took it.

Catchy Friday, Part Zoo

Zooey Deschanel, on whom I've had a crush since Elf, teamed up with M.Ward to form She and Him. Her sister Emily is Bones on the TV series Bones, on whom I've had a crush since Bones. Zooey has a nice, twangy singing voice in spite of growing up in Santa Monica. This is kind of nice. Found it somehow trying to find more Telekinesis after Andrew's post.

Catchy Friday

Hummable. Very hummable.

Spring in Moscow

The first photo in Jay's 419easter post reminded me of this old chestnut. Never gets old.

More On 419eater

From 419eater:

So what is scambaiting? Well, put simply, you enter into a dialogue with scammers simply to waste their time and resources. Whilst you are doing this, you will be helping to keep the scammers away from real potential victims and screwing around with the minds of deserving thieves.

It doesn't matter if you are new to this sport or a hardened veteran; if you are wasting the time of a scammer, or frustrating them in any way, well that's good enough for us, and we would welcome you to join with our now very large community.

Although this site concentrates mainly on the Nigerian 419 scam, we are happy to deal with other types of scams if and when the opportunity arises. We also have a large team of experts dedicated to the removal and closure of fake scammer banks and sites.

The following are some of my favorite photos from 419eater's Trophy Room. Typically, the thieves are coerced into declaring allegiance with some made up church or organization before any money changes hands. Hilarity ensues.

Oh, your knowledge of felching makes one of these funnier.

Hey, We're 3!

Happy birthday, LBU!

Anvil!

This looks to be extremely entertaining.

Piling it on

As you probably all know, the recent Anyface reunion tour was prompted by Dave's sudden need for cash in the wake of losing his retirement savings when the Bernie Madoff ponzi scheme collapsed. So I'm making an exception to my usual no-legal-posts rule. Turns out that the government submitted to the Judge a stack of papers intended to highlight the magnitude of the fraud, and included in that stack a bunch of emails from victims of the fraud. Most are along the lines of “This man single-handedly destroyed peoples’ lives . . . “; “Please do not let this weasel negotiate some sweetheart deal . . . “; “Madoff’s crime has robbed us of a lifetime of savings”; etc., but on page 36 is the following, less-predictable, e-mail:

From: [redacted]
Sent: Saturday, March 07, 2009 6:38 PM
Subject: REPLY ME

My Name is Mr. [redacted] but my origin is from Republic of Congo. I have an inherited fund I want to invest in a business in your country with a help of a local. I don’t know about what business but I found it wise to invest the funds in your country with your collaboration with me.

Ever since I move to Dubai due to the problem in my country, I have not been able to invest the funds in Dubai due to security reasons. Now I am seeking foreign assistance to transfer the funds in your country based on the news of their development.

If you can assist, I am willing to give you 10% of the funds that is US$3.5Million. You will understand that my entire life and future depend on this money and I shall be very grateful if you can assist me. The major thing I demand from you is the absolute assurance that the funds will be safe and you will not sit on it when it is transferred into your account.

I will be willing to coming to your country once everything has been done and the funds are in your bank to discuss on lucrative investment in your country.

I hope to hear from you so that we might get to talk better on this issue. Please do give me your contact information in order for me to call you ASAP.

If this email offends your moral value, do accept my apology.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Best Regards,

[redacted]

Good work lads!

I Hate People

My best friend in high school had an Anti-Nowhere League T-shirt that said 'I Hate People.' I always coveted it. Good 80s English punk band expressing a sentiment that will never die. Jay reminded me of it today because he hates them too. Well, Jay, Fuck Those People.

I Hate People

God I wish that I could hide away
And find a wall to bang my brains
I'm living in a fantasy, a nightmare dream... reality
People ride about all dayIn metal boxes made awayI
wish that they would drop the bomb
And kill these cunts that don't belong

I hate people
I hate the human race
I hate people
I hate your ugly face
I hate people
I hate your fucking mess
I hate peopleThey hate me

Where to eat?

This is quite a handy tool, primarily designed for the i-phone, which I don't have, but apparently embeddable too. Currently set for Memphis, it works for DC, NOLA, and many other cities, although not Durham or Gainesville, just yet (and only that other Jacksonville). Presumably this could be usefully adapted to help people in a casino decide which slot machine to play.

Rorschach's Journal: A Lost Chapter

Well, the Friday f.offs have definitely kicked in. Cracked online isn't The Onion, but it's not so bad at the end of a long day, situated at the end of a long week.

http://www.cracked.com/blog/rorschachs-journal-another-boring-night/

Catchy Freitag

I always said something good would come out of Germany one day.

Catchy Thursday

Jesus, what a voice. It's ... Heartless Bastards!

(What's up with Letterman's clumsy plug at the end?)

Tiltshift

This video is made entirely from Tiltshift photography, which is not so much a technique as a detailed Photoshop manipulation. As near as I can tell, the videos are time-lapse photography manipulated in Photoshop, then stitched together.


Bathtub IV from Keith Loutit on Vimeo.

You can see more videos at the links above, or a gallery of photos here. More about Tilt-shift here, with a cool tutorial on how to do it here.

Maybe this will hold us over until Dave posts his show photos/mp3s.

Serge, vol. 2

Place 3 quarters in the slot for a French Tickler Prophylactic.

Wherever Serge saw a pot, he would stir it, whether it was satirizing the military or French patriotism, showing up with a model in a see-through top or even something as taboo as incest--he wrote and performed Lemon Incest with his 12-year-old daughter Charlotte ! Way over the line, but that's exactly where Serge wanted to be, God bless him.

Change Leopardon!

Evidently there was a Japanese version of Spiderman from the '70s. Of course, their Spiderman gets his own giant Transformer robot!

How the Irish Saved Civilization

Irish-Americans Gear Up For 'The Reinforcin' O' The Stereotypes'

From The Onion - where else? Happy Saint Patrick's Day, you bastards.

It's Madness!

I like Memphis to win, but FSU and Texas are also in, so I've got a lot to root for. Also, I'm eager to see the NCAA tourney debut of:

#42 Chief Kickingstallionsims
Position: Center
Height: 7-1
Class: Senior
Hometown: Boyton Beach, Fla
High School: Blanche Ely
PERSONAL: Grlenntys
Chief Kickingstallionsims, Jr. was born September 15, 1986, the son of Grlenntys
Chief Kickingstallionsims, Sr. and Barbara R. Paulson ... has a younger sister,
Chelsea E. Kickingstallionsims ... earned one varsity letter at Blanche Ely High
School ... a transfer from Stetson University ... lists greatest athletic
accomplishment as being named [quote]Best Name in College Sports[quote] by
Sports Illustrated.

Stewart vs. Cramer

Part 1 of the pants-down-spanking The Daily Show gave the CNBC network last week. Jim Cramer, the ridiculous screaming asshole of Mad Money, just looked like the pathetic ignorant loser he is. The other 2 segments are linked so please check them out, serious stuff.

My Latest Music Obsession

I stumbled across this on All Songs Considered the other day. Give a listen and I think you'll know what Beck was listening to when he recorded Sea Change.

From Amazon's editorial review:

2009 U.S. pressing of this classic album from the controversial French singer/songwriter, originally released in 1971. Sex has always sold, but presented with a landmark musical backdrop, the combination is rare as finding the elusive "G Spot". Quite often, attempts fall flaccid, missing the titillating mark by a mile. But French icon and national treasure Serge Gainsbourg is no stranger to sexual proclivities, and with Histoire De Melody Nelson, he shared an erotic tale as seductive today as the day it was released. With help from actress, amour, and inspiration Jane Birkin, arranger/conductor and co-conspirator Jean-Claude Vannier, not to mention a tight hand picked crew of top shelf UK session musicians, Nelson is often cited as Gainsbourg's master work, an essential album for the discerning music lover. Seven tracks.

In France, Their Perversions become art.

Shoes that Rock

My interest in festive footwear is well documented. Today my friend Janet walked in with the slickest new kicks I've ever seen. Geez, it's been over 30 years since I experienced sneaker-envy.

They also have one of Dark Side and a couple of designs that commemorate The Who, but they're not as cool as these.

Can You Smell That?

It's my fried brain.

Somebody named Kutiman remixed a bunch of YouTube videos to create this. Fuck! Now I want to go climb a mountain or something ...

Raimi Returns To What He Does Best

Scaaaaary.

Jobs, etc.

I'm headed to Hogtown (Gainesville, Fl) for a job interview. Not sure what the job is, but they're flying me down there and putting me up in the Hilton, so why not. Dave, have a great show. Andy, we expect pics.

Colbert vs. The Commercial Appeal

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

The Word - Locked and Loathed

Colbert Report Full Episodes
Political Humor

Rap Battle
NASA Name Contest

Hot news item around here, but didn't know the attention would spread to Comedy Central.

Pixar: Gods Among Men

It's Good!

The Wife and I caught Watchmen over the weekend. I was very pleasantly surprised, especially after reading some reviews, but nothing could really live up to my expectations. The movie is visually stunning, and for the most part, it's well-cast and hews closely to the graphic novel. Without question, Jackie Earle Haley stole the show as Rorschach. He is the character's exact physical manifestation, and everything he says or does is pitch-perfect.

One of the criticisms of the film that I can mention (without ruining anything for you other bastards who haven't seen it) is the music. The soundtrack is obvious and dumb, as if a high school kid were chosen to pick the same tired songs to represent the various eras. Another (slight) criticism I have is of the fetishized depiction of extreme violence, which I seem to recall being more implied in the graphic novel.

My major gripe, however, cannot be discussed until everyone who wants to see the movie, has.

I score Watchmen a solid B. (The Wife gave it a B -.) Anybody else care to weigh in, Lurker?

BONUS: I only recently learned that the teaser posters for Watchmen the film were exactly the same as the teaser posters for Watchmen the graphic novel. Check it out here.

Dave in New Orleans; Anyface show update

Because I know everyone is hanging breathless on my every move in New Orleans, here's an update. Made the marathon drive on Saturday, 12 hours with a couple of quick stops. Went to Le Bon Temps and had AndyGator beers from Abita, which are suspiciously strong. I'm thinking high gravity. Shrimp po boy on Sunday afternoon and an ice breaker practice with Paul Sunday night. Practice went surprisingly well, and the old guys could still pull out the stops on the fast stuff. Werts arrives today at 2:30 and we should be wasted by 2:45 or so. Fellow Bastard Andrew will arrive for the show on Wednesday morning. We also have people flying in from Durham, Minneapolis, and Seattle. Jay, here's the tentative setlist:

Blandscape
Black and Green and Brown
Long Ago Blown
The Last to Know
Ballad of a Punk Rock Legend
Down to the Mat
Love is Bland
Dirty Secret
Squirt Gun
No Disguise
She's After Me
Some Ridiculous Cover Song

More reports and pics to follow. Excelsior!

Pulsar, The Ultimate Man Of Adventure

Anybody else remember this guy? I got Pulsar for Christmas one year, probably 1977. I can have him again (in mint condition), along with his Life Systems Center and arch-enemy Hypnos, for the low, low price of $650.00.

Stewart Nails It...Again

Tonto Tonto 2

Tonto Tonto - Mirror


Here's the Leno bit.

Tonto Tonto

Funny story:

I had known Joe approximately two days when we were watching The Tonight Show at stately Drago Manor. All of a sudden, this band came on, and Joe yelped, "Holy shit! I know that guy!" This lead singer is that guy.

He Don't Want to Go To School And Learn To Read And Write

In these difficult economic times, when bastardos find themselves being downsized, taking pay cuts, or even worse, teaching, it's good to think about the options. Might I suggest going back to school?

Forty years on, the Beatles and their songs are to be hauled into the halls of academia and dissected by postgraduate students at a Merseyside university.

The masters degree in The Beatles, Popular Music and Society is being billed by Liverpool Hope University as the first such course in the UK and "probably the world".

Finally, a worthwhile degree!

Anyface Live at Tip's

On Wednesday, March 11 Anyface will reunite at Tipitina's for one night only. For any bastards who are interested, the show will be streamed on Tipitina's webcast site. In addition, they will be recording an audio and video tape which I should be able to share around. Unless it sucks. In which case, your only chance to hear the suckage will be during the simulcast. Man I wish that was still my chest.

Happy Birthday, Doc

Theodor Geisel would be 105 today.

In honor of his birthday, check out this ultra-rare Dr. Seuss book.